Happy Wife, Happy Life?

There are all sorts of antiquated marriage advices out there, but it turns out that there’s one relationship theory that we constantly here: “Happy Wife, Happy Life.”

Of course, I want my wife to be happy. I do my best to make sure she is. I do the things I know that please her, and avoid doing things that upset her (hogging the bed sheets during the middle of the night).

However, I disagree with the notion of marriage as a barter system. “I give you what you want, so I can get what I want in return”.

To me, if a man sacrifices his happiness for his spouse, he may eventually act out as a result of feeling suppressed. By adopting this theory, the spouse misses the opportunity to know who her husband really is, and is cut off from experiencing a deep and fulfilling marriage.

Both a husband and wife willingness to adopt the theory of “Happy Wife, Happy Life” creates a co-dependent relationship. “I need you to make me happy. I need you to validate my self-worth.”

To me, that is not true love.

My wife and I choose honesty. We choose to be best friends. We want the best for each other, to grow as a couple.

We talk about our challenges as they arise. It is uncomfortable at times. It’s not easy being honest and vulnerable. 

A trusting relationship involves cooperation and discussion when there are conflicting priorities. Resolutions can be discovered in compassionate, empathetic, respectful, and loving conversations.

The results have been extraordinary for us – intimacy on many levels.

My wife and I have a marriage that is authentic and fulfilling. We have created a safe and non-judgmental environment where we can share our feelings, desires and challenges. We have built our relationship based on respect and love.

Each of us can have a happy life, together.